Do You Know What To Say To The Bereaved?
By Dr. Valerie Olmsted
Many people have lost loved ones around the holidays and now with the added problems due to the “vaccine” (bioweapon), even more are dying. Afterwards, the bereaved try to return to some semblance of normal life but it is especially difficult around the holidays - especially that first year or two after the loss. When they encounter old friends or acquaintances and are asked how the spouse/parent/child/partner is, they can only say that they have died. A shocked silence usually follows while the other person tries to offer condolences. Sometimes it's hard to find the right words to say, especially during celebrations such as holidays, opening events, graduations and weddings.
The best thing to say is "I am so sorry for your loss; I didn't know. I won't mention it again. Is there anything I can do to help you get through this event?" It is polite to offer the bereaved a beverage, to get a plate of food for them, or just offer to sit in silence with them if that's what they need. There are no words that can offer solace; nothing that can fill that empty hole left by the deceased. Sometime it helps to find the organizer or someone else who knows the bereaved and ask them to warn others not to ask about the deceased but to come offer condolences instead. Most people get very uncomfortable with these situations; after all, it is difficult to know what to say unless you realize that there really isn't anything you can say to make the bereaved feel better. It's an open wound and it takes a long time to heal so the best one can do is just be there for that person. It's a strange feeling, to be bereft of the one you love and it takes time to rearrange life around that empty hole. Just be a friend and a good listener...and a shoulder to cry on if needed.
It helps to let the bereaved know that they are still welcome in your circle; invite them out, to parties or just to sit around and discuss hopes and dreams over a cup of coffee. One of the hardest things that happens when one member of a couple dies is that the other couples fade away. Things that were done for years with other couples are no more; it is really a double bereavement as those friends are lost too. What can anyone say to that but something that sounds so bad it should be left unsaid? When you are at a loss for words when someone has died, remember there is nothing to say that will help, so just acknowledge that you understand the pain of the bereaved--they will be thankful for your kindness.
©2021 Dr. Valerie Olmsted